Saturday, 11 February 2012

Battle Report: The Shadow of Koles Lorr - Turn 2

Many people died to bring you this report. 

Dwarves, specifically.

This is where things were after Turn 1:

The Movement Phase

Both forces continued forward, as aggressively as possible. So aggressive were the orcs, in fact, that Krunk's Crushers charged the Night Bottom boys in an attempt to get them moving!

Also (try to imagine this in slow motion, possibly with epic, tragic classical music playing), The Coohrs Light Foote regiment stepped into the line of sight of the Man Mangler...

On the left flank, Ruger's Troll Slayers continue to move up, determined to meet their fate.


"Well, boys, I feel like I should issue some sort of apology, really. Not seeing any trolls at all," Ruger said whilst surveying the field. "I really thought this lot would have some."

Heckler stepped forward and patted Ruger on the shoulder. "Don't worry, chief, you did your best. I'm sure we could find a suitable fate somewhere here today. Stiff upper lip and all that."

Ruger grunted. "Mmm. Stiff upper lip, quite right."

"Actually, I'm sort of glad, really," Wesson said. "Wasn't too sure about the whole troll thing, really."

The other dwarves all stopped and turned to look at him. Wesson shuffled nervously. 

Ruger cocked an eyebrow. "Not sure what you mean, son?"

"I'm just, y'know, having doubts about the whole slayer thing. It all sounded fun when I signed up, but now here we are, and the weathers crap, and I'm cold and hungry and there's a whole lot of angry orcs just over there. Just - seems a lot, is all."

Smith gripped Wesson's shoulders in each hand and shook him. "Pull yourself together, dwarf! This is your big moment! If you try hard, and stay focussed, you could die today! Just imagine!" Smith's eyes started to glaze over as he pointed at the approaching goblins. "Imagine charging into those goblins. You swing this way and that, but its no use.

"You kill four, maybe six, but they overpower you, forcing you to the ground. Still you fight, but their numbers never end. Kicking and biting, they spill your blood on the ground. Ever weaker, you hack and hack and hack, until one of them chops your hand off. Even then, you beat them with the wet stump, all the while bleeding to death. Eventually, greatness comes. Your eyes shut and cough your last blood choked breath..."

Ruger, Heckler and Koch all stared at Smith in wonder. 

Koch wiped away a tear. "I'll miss you when you're gone, buddy!"

"What? WHAT!" Wesson cried. "Listen to yourselves! How the hell did you guys even get here? What did you do that was so bad that you want to get killed out here for it!" 

"Cheating in my senior khazalid literature exam," Smith stated. 

"Cut myself shaving," Heckler said, shaking his head. "Dad was so disappointed..."

"My mom caught me touching myself," Ruger said in a matter-of-fact tone. 

Koch bit his lip, overcome with emotion. Ruger put his arm over his shoulder "There, there, Koch. I know its tough, but we can talk about it here. This is a safe place to feel."

Koch nodded. Still choked up, he whispered: "I'm allergic to beer."

Wesson's stood with his mouth open, staring at the others. "I...I don't know what to say."

"What about you?" Ruger's eyes sought out Wesson's. "What's your story?"

Wesson dropped his gaze. "Late library book. Mrs Fletcher was such a bitch about it. She even said she wished I was a troll slayer. I didn't know what else to do..."

The others nodded. "Tough one. Mrs Fletcher's a real cow," Smith said. "Although, I also had late library books once. She said then that she wished I was a toll payer. Maybe, you didn't hear her correctly? Usually, you just pay a toll when they're late, you see?"

Wesson's eyes went wide with horror. "You mean..."

"Look, what's done is done," Ruger said. "Here we are, a brotherhood of slayers, on a field of opportunity. Let's not let this one slip!"

"Aye!" Smith, Heckler and Koch barked. 

"Bitch!" Wesson spat. "Bloody mumbling bitch!"

The others ignored him. 

"Follow me, boys! Today's the day we die!" Ruger yelled, swinging his axe in the direction of the orcs. 

Wesson watched as the others rushed ahead. He sighed. It wasn't even a good book, come to think about it...

The Shooting Phase

Shooting was devastating. In total, twelve dwarves kicked the proverbial bucket. The Man-mangler, the only six man (orc?) stone thrower available in Warhammer Armies, lived up to its name, by scoring a direct hit on the Coohrs Light, mangling seven of that regiment's fine dwarves.

Also, four slayers met their embarrassingly pitiful fate, cheated doubly by the greenskins in that:

a.) there were no trolls
b.) turns out the goblins are pretty good with the bow, so they didn't even get to swing their axes

In return, the dwarves introduced the orc boarboys to time travel, by blowing three of them into next week Wednesday with twelve pounds of iron. Everything else missed, including the Gob-Lobber. The blue cross hairs mark where the stone landed.


"That's odd," Crun Cheenut said, pointing at the orc boar riders. 

"What's that, then?" Orl Branne asked.

"Well, they don't have a banner. I always aim for the banner, see? But they don't have one. Just seems odd."

"I bet they're up to no good. If you don't have a banner, you're busy sneaking, aren't you?"

Crun looked thoughtful. "Yeah. You're probably right. Although, we don't have a banner."

Orl patted the cannon. "No, but I like to think of this as a musical instrument. They know we're here, all right. No sneaking about for us."

Crun laughed. "Too right. Well, we'd better shoot them, before they go off and do something sneaky!"

"Yes. We'll be heroes. No sneaky sneaking whilst we're on the job, eh?"

The two high-fived, before Crun touched the cord with his cigar. 


Unfortunately for Blue, the boarboys cracked under the pressure, panicked, and ran off the table.
Fortunately for Blue, no other units followed suit.
Unfortunately for Blue, the boarboys carted his one and only wizard (that I'm aware of, I suppose), Sensei Milliog, with them.
Fortunately for Blue, I didn't laugh out loud. Much.

The little orange '1' next to the cannon is a heat point. Back in the day (before special dice with special symbols), when kids could do arithmetic, cannons would accumulate heat points. Essentially, the first cannon shot is risk free, but thereafter, heat points will build up. The firing player rolls a d6 and adds the heat points to the roll. If the roll exceeds six, the cannon explodes. Leave the cannon for a turn, and it will cool down, thus losing a heat point.

As you can imagine, dwarf supporters (myself chief amongst them) will be keeping a keen interest in that little orange number.

The Combat Phase

Much like sex on the first date, Blue was able to put out with some Turn 2 combat. Specifically, Krunks Crushers obliged you eager spectators by climbing into The Night Bottom boys, giving them a sound thrashing, managing to traumatise one of them enough for him to stop living.

Predictably, the orcs beat the stuffing out of the goblins, causing them to be pushed back 2". This event, in turn, was just enough to bring the Night Bottom Boys into 8" of the Loane Rangers, causing two crazed, drug-addled loonies to break ranks and launch themselves cackling and screaming at the dwarf line, swinging giant, back-breaking balls of iron.

I've played goblins (that is, just goblins, not orcs and goblins) for about ten years now. I completely forgot about the possibility that he might have fanatics. Never even crossed my mind. Idiot.

The Reserves Phase

Reserves was more of the same, with the two armies just tightening up their lines. Ruger, unfortunately, was unable to do anything clever in order to get away from the fanatic - in 3rd edition, you can't make a reserve move if you are within 4" of an enemy.

As you can imagine, orc supporters (Blue chief amongst them) will be keeping a keen interest in those two fanatics.

One of the things that is proving quite interesting is the middle of the board being completely static, in some sort of bizarre napoleonic shooting match. Also, the fact that both commanders are on the edge of the field is something I haven't seen in a long time.

The Magic Phase

I just put this section here to rub it in. The dwarves didn't bring any wizards, so we're not that concerned one way or the other. Blue elected to bring young Milliog, a wizard, but as you know, he elected to leave with the remaining boar boys once the dwarves explained physics and how important velocity and mass are in that particular field. Unfortunately, Milliog didn't get a single spell off in the game.

Looking at both the battle at the Wyemm Seeyay and this battle, one can see the dramatic difference between the occasional presence of magic in 3rd ed, and the overwhelming sledgehammer it is in 8th.

Anyway, no magic.

This is the state of affairs at the end of turn 2:

Will the dwarf cannon explode? Can Ruger evade the whirling fanatic? Will all of the orcs pass their animosity tests? Tune in next time for The Shadow of Koles Lorr - Turn 3!


Battle Navigation

Turn 2



  1. Brilliant stuff - Go Orcs!

    Love the bit where they charge the Gobbo's to get the fanatics out - very Orcy of Blue!

    I'm now really glad that I forked out for a Man Mangler on ebay a while back - sounds like it'l be worth every penny!

  2. This is so good I don't know which side to support any more! Both have taken a bit of a battering and have exciting things going in for them.

    Great turn 2 report!

  3. @Thantsants - thanking you as always. Actually, The Man Mangler you saw here was 'cut down'. the original hit deleted the unit. Dreamfish, wielding his gamesmaster gavel, altered the rules for the machine so that we could continue playing.

    A frighteningly effective piece of equipment!

    @Chris - Tell you what, seeing as how Thantsants has declared his undying allegiance to the orcs, why don't you help a guy out and support the dwarves? At least until Turn 3, where I plan to earn that support by beating the orcs senseless...

  4. Although I have a soft spot for my own minis, as a GM I'm not allowed to choose sides...

    I like how the Orc's struggle to maintain control. It shows an important difference between both armies. It turned out alright, but those goblins could have caused havoc throughout the whole army. It really stresses the need for good leaders in such units. In 3rd ed. you can actually lead a goblin unit by a Black Orc and use his Ld bonus for rout and rally tests. Furthermore, animosity is less likely to occur this way.

    The closer you get to the enemy, the less problems one should have controlling them. I'll expect Turn 3 will show us some old fashioned savagery and brute force of the orcs.

    BTW: Love the dialogue between the slayer's, just brilliant!

  5. Literally "pulped "! Come on you Greens!

    Actually I like both sides equally, but Giggers ...

    Splendid game and report. Looking forward to more.

  6. @Dreamfish: quite right. Interesting that the orcs have retained control this long. Here's hoping chaos will unleash in turn 3.

    @MC Monkey-Dew: I understand. No brave, gentle-orc captain would dream of dishonouring his fellow country-orcs! How must he feel, knowing they don't stand a chance...

  7. Fantastic report! Fantastic blog. You have inspired me to begin my own third edition site. Keep up the great work!

  8. @knobgobbler - thanks for the support :)

    @orlygg - you've been very kind. I've checked out your blog and warseer work - incredible stuff. Welcome to the 80's!

  9. I was reading this over on TWF and felt tempted to boycott the place because of the lack of responses you were getting as this is fantastic stuff.

    Although the effectiveness of the man-mangler is already causing flashbacks to my formative years. Too many afternoons watching my hammerers catch an awful lot of large rocks from my best friend's Orc and Goblin army. I'm therefore supporting the dwarfs out of principle on this one.

  10. @Will - welcome aboard. Thank you for your very kind words. I imagine when stuff gets a bit more tense in the game, then people will start offering up their comments. So far, too little has happened. That said, give 'em hell if you don't see anything by turn 5!

    Also, Sir Loyne and colleagues appreciate your support. I forgot how devastating the Man Mangler was as well! If I'd had my wits about me, I would have deployed the crossbowmen in an wedge and had them firing hell for leather at that thing!