Sunday, 1 April 2012

Battle Report: The Shadow of Koles Lorr - Turn 5

Turn 5.

This was where Turn 4 left us:

And what a turn it was.

The turn opened with Dreamfish playing an evil, evil trick on me! Here I am, thinking everything is under control, with the orcs haring off the table, squealing for their mothers, when on the board enters a Chaos Ally Contingent! A small Realms of Chaos force, led by a mighty Minotaur appeared on the right side of my line!

Talk about gobsmacked!

Actually, I'm kidding.

You are the victim of an April Fools day joke. A little bit of whimsy before we get into the actual events of Turn 5. No ally contingent arrived, things are exactly as we left them at the end of Turn 4!


Whilst we've been processing the events of Turn 5, I've been learning about writing. As in, reading web pages that advise one on how to write good prose*. I've learned about many things, including a little bit about pacing and tension. Tension is very, very important. Pacing lends itself to this. Drag on a little too long (as I'm doing now), and you might risk losing your reader. Spill the beans too quickly (as I'm not doing now) and you raise the expectations. 

A tricky line indeed. 

The thing that really defines whether or not Turn 5 is worth considering is whether or not the Orcs rallied. Turn 4 saw the whole army turn tail and run and if they continued to do so, quite frankly, there wouldn't be a Turn 5, would there?

So, did they rally?

In this case, I shall defer to the old adage: a picture is worth a thousand words.

These were the dwarves present at the end of Turn 5:

These were the Orcs present at the end of Turn 5:

But of course, there is still a story in between!

Of chief interest, really, was the continued antagonism of young Abudabi the Fanatic, who claimed a further four orcs, even as the rest of the army fled in dismay.

The shooting phase did not astound - as usual - although the dwarves finally landed a direct hit with their stone thrower. Unfortunately, much like the crossbow bolts that had been used throughout the battle, it appears that the ammunition was defective, as only one orc failed to survive.

The Man Mangler was unable to exact revenge, as it missed Murphy's Stout. What a difference it could have made!

Which left us with a dismally uninteresting reserves phase - the Dwarves capitalising on their positions and moving in for the curry powder!

Which really takes us to the end of Turn 5, and the end of the game!

Although we here at Warhammer for Adults don't advocate tournament thinking, victory points are still an extremely useful method for rubbing your opponents face in the dirt.

As you can see, I've graciously allowed Blue to keep 102 of his points, so that there wasn't any embarrassment, or anything :)

Now, dear reader, I am as sure as a poker player with five aces in my hand that my last statement has brought violent offence to your sensitive and peaceful soul! How the bile must rise in your throat at my unjust, kamra-inviting cruelty? How can I go about claiming my brilliance and decrying Blue's paltry effort in such a brazen fashion? Was I not there when Dreamfish 'adjusted' (see shooting in Turn 3) the outcome of the Man Mangler shot in Turn 2? The very shot that, how not Dreamfish intervened in all his wisdom, would have removed from existence the Coohrs Light Foote - the unit that  ultimately broke the Orc line?

And I hear you say: What now, Victorious Boast? Perhaps it really was a matter for the dice, and you were just a passenger in the palm of Lady Luck's hand! Was his general not in the right place to hold the line when it broke? The units that fled could hardly claim to have been poorly led? His mightiest champion was there with them when they broke? Surely that was nothing other than the machinations of Lady Luck's bitter cousin, Miss Fortune? Was there anything more he could have done to hold that line? So we say to you, wicked boast - enough of your banter - you were just bloody lucky! Had Dreamfish decided against you, do you believe that Blue would deride you on his blog, mocking your poor fortune?


And you're right, of course. Simply put, Blue started the game excellently, but we three (that is, Dreamfish, Blue and myself) elected to sacrifice his good fortune early in order to prolong the game and your experience of it with us, dear reader! How could I possibly boast, when Blue so graciously put you first, relinquishing his early lead so that you might witness bloodshed and mayhem in later turns (at his expense, unbeknownst to him). So I stand corrected, and you may soothe your ruffled feathers!

Anyway, To Blue in VT, I say simply:

Thankyou. Blue - you've been a stirling opponent, unfortunate in your final moments. One day, may it be that we can play in person.

And to Dreamfish I say simply:

Thankyou. Dreamfish - you've been a stirling gamesmaster. One day, may it be that we can play in person.

Of course, there will be one more post to come regarding the events at Koles Lorr. For one, you'll be aware that you are due an epilogue. Also, you'll want to see that summary of the house rules and modifications we made. Those are still to come. But the game, ladies and gentlemen, is complete.

Thanks for watching.

*So where is this bloody prose then? Well, nothing remarkable enough happened in Turn 5, so I elected to move straight onto the epilogue, which is well underway. 


Battle Navigation

Turn 5


1 comment:

  1. Hang on, I pop away for a couple of weeks to get married etc and upon my return the game is over?!

    Hopefully there will be more engrossing drama posted in the near future!

    Great stuff as always!